Ok, so by now the whole world knows that I am agoraphobic. So what?
The truth is that, even in this day and age, not a lot is known about agoraphobia, at least as to how it works itself into the daily life of people. There are various degrees of it, but basically the dynamic is that we as a group just have magnified anxiety levels. Anxiety is a normal human emotion and we experience it to maximum levels. I had a counselor tell me that I just don’t have a shut off valve when something triggers my fear button. It is not pleasant, but it is what it is. For some of us, like me, I got triggered mostly when I went out so I eventually (after many years) just made a more comfortable way to live, which involves working and playing from home. It works better for me, at least for today. If the universe wants me “out there” then I am sure I will be out again. For today I focus on what I can do and not what I cannot. That is why I wrote my book, “Behind These Eyes….One Agoraphobic’s Journey To A Meaningful Life.” I am still working out the bugs, but hope to have it published before too long.
I once had a website of support for agoraphbics called “Living-with-agoraphobia.com.” I designed it so that agoraphobics (commonly referred to as phobics) could meet and help one another. I found myself receiving emails from all kinds of people asking me for input as to how phobics live. I had a few conversations with playrights and screenwriters. One of them even asked me if I had a coat or wore shoes! I am here to tell you that we do. I may not go out often or far, but indeed I do have a coat. After all I was a girlscout and always like to be prepared! I also wear shoes as does every other phobic I know. Gosh people, we are human just like all of you. We just shake a little more and scare a little easier. I bleed like everyone else and hurt like everyone else and get betrayed by supposed good friends and lovers.. It’s called life.
I personally am a person of many emotions. Sometimes they conflict causing unease. Often, there are plenty of positive emotions mixed in with the negative ones and my brain becomes a bit mish-mashy. This is one of those times. I can’t wait to get out of bed to “try on” all the wonderful things I want to create today. That’s the good news, except for the excess adrenalin that runs rampant through my body. Sometimes there is little difference between the “feelings” of excitement and anxiety. Maybe I should just say that agoraphobic’s live an exciting life! I know I do 🙂
I hope you follow me on this journey of life. I will try to make it as interesting and informative as I can. You’ll get to see first hand how someone with my challenge in life lives. You’ll hopefully also get to experience my life as the regular human being that I am. I welcome you to my ride. I’ll try to make the trip a scenic one!
‘Til next time…