I’ll try to finish up my long saga on medical attention for this agoraphobic. If you read my last two or so blogs you know I signed up with a visiting physician’s service in my area to try to tend to a few minor medical issues I had. It was just time. The main reason I decided to seek out medical help was for a problem with my right ankle which appears to have tarsal tunnel syndrome. I began physical therapy with a physical therapist that my mom used named Claire. I had not seen her in a long time and was looking forward to seeing her again. HOWEVER, when Claire showed up and started to treat me I was filled with anxiety. I was gobsmacked since I knew and really liked Claire! At any rate, my anxiety rarely lessened at any time during Claire’s visits. We had some nice talks and caught up on what had happened to us since we had last seen each other, but each time she came my anxiety was through the roof. What I deduced was this:
Claire had lost a lot of weight since I had last seen her and perhaps to me she was a whole new person and relatively unfamiliar. We agoraphobics are OH SO sensitive and a little thing like that could really throw us off. Additionally, I had not seen Claire since my mom passed away. That meant that the last time I saw her my life was much more intact and this was a reminder to me of all I had lost. There was no more mom, no more activity in my home and I was sad and lonely a lot of the time. I think it triggered me into a grieving process once again. We phobics love to cover raw emotion with anxiety, especially when we really don’t know what it is that is cooking inside us. The experience was intense enough to drive me to write and just may be the inspiration for a second book. I am considering writing a book that is in quasi-journal format so people can see on a regular if not daily basis how it is to actually live as an agoraphobic. We’ll see.
Claire left rather suddenly at the end of April. She actually quit her job and I was relieved to have our sessions end. I was very disappointed and frustrated with myself for not being able to get a better handle on my emotions, but it was really good to see Claire in spite of it. She said she’d come back and visit after she took a brief vacation for herself and I look forward to seeing her again.
My medical care otherwise is somewhat ongoing and I have a “tuff” time seeing most anyone connected with medicine in my home. I had a cyst removed from my head shortly after Claire left and it left me with a truly traumatic experience. The doctor FORGOT part of his syringe so could not give me the lidocaine I was supposed to get so he proceeded to use the scalpel on me without numbing the area. He said it would feel like a pin prick…….Yeah, NO! I could feel that thing pressing down into my skin and it was awful! I don’t think I want any further medical attention for awhile, but might consider more physical therapy in the distant future as my ankle is still not doing well. I also still must do one more visit to get closed out with this home health agency and then I am done, done, done until I absolutely have to do something else!
SO ends, for now, my epistle on medical care for this agoraphobic. Other much more interesting, albeit scary things have happened. At least hopefully they will turn out to be inspiring to others. Tune in next time for the follow-up!
Be well my friends…