This blog entry is for Michelle and Ben, two very new and welcomed people in my life. For those who know me and /or follow my blog you are aware of the fact that due to my challenge with agoraphobia I am homebound. I have made peace with that fact and built a fairly productive life around it for decades now. The down side is that there is always a subtle (and often no-so-subtle) undercurrent of fear that floats to the surface when life situations arise that you have little control over and know that due to your limitation you may not be able to handle, especially if you are basically alone in this world. I personally have prayed for a very long time to be able to make friends/ draw people into my life that are kind and solid humans with whom I might have a wonderfully symbiotic relationship. I have friends, but most all of them live out-of-town or out-of-state. If something tangible happens to me or my surroundings/property I am pretty much left to my own devices (except for one dear friend who finds herself these days in failing health).
Anyway…..quite by chance (or perhaps not) I came upon this dear new neighbor (Michelle) two days ago, whom I had not previously met. She was graciously cutting part of my lawn while she was also cutting my next door neighbor’s lawn. I was taken by surprise as I am not used to people doing such things for me. We found ourselves engaged in a lengthy conversation and I suddenly found myself feeling like I had known her for a very long time. Funny and lovely how that happens sometimes 🙂 Yesterday I got to meet the guy in her life (Ben) when he came to assist with a project I could not do for myself. My bottom line here is that these two people, in such a short amount of time, have already helped to restore my faith in human nature. Being an Empath I have a pretty good sense of people from day one and my impression of both of these two individuals is that they are truly and genuinely kind-hearted human beings who only want to be of service somehow to this world. Whether or not they know it they are Lightworkers and a true gift to this world, especially in this day and age of greed, avarice, jealousy and narcissism.
Thank you Michelle & Ben.
“The light in me bows to the light in you, and when you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are one.”
I am in awe that we are already in 2019! I look back on past posts and see that it is already six years since I published my first book. Oh gosh, time if flying by and we are all helpless to stop it from happening!
Here’s a brief summary of life since last year. I started last year’s posts by saying that I had just discovered that I am in empath. That is such valuable knowledge for me but is so very much a two-edged sword! The biggest “down” to it is discovering how much it affects my physical health. I have written about sharing my life with agoraphobia and then with the knowledge that I am empath. This past year has the added caption of “chronic illness” added to it. I have had several “incidences” of mysterious symptoms presenting in the form of foot and back pain for the most part. I have been misdiagnosed with things such as plantar fasciitis, achilles tendonitis and back disc problems. I have hand PT several times only to apparently stump every therapist since I seem to be A-typical in every area. I never seem to respond to standard therapy the way the “average” person would. My most recent therapist suspects I have something like fibromyalgia ….whatever it is/turns out to be it sure affects my muscles. My “gut” tells me it is a combo of being empathic (I FEEL so much more deeply that most people) and years of muscle tension that has cause my muscles to react strongly and negatively to the slightest stimulus. Suffice it to say at the moment it is not fun to be me. ONWARD—
So now into the prospects for 2019…
I have taken a strong interest in all things holistic. I am attempting to avoid the Christmas “rush” with sales of my custom made ornaments by delving into a new means of making dinero in a more steady stream throughout the year. My custom ornaments sell VERY well, but the pressure to make them one by one at such a “crunch” time of year can be pretty overwhelming for this fast-aging body – especially one with some new physical challenges.
That all being said, I am trying to promote the usage and sale of both essential oils as well and the HOT new CBD oil products. I am trying to incorporate them into my own life where I can. My body is SO very sensitive and reactive, in part due to being empathic, that I have to be careful as to the new things I introduce into it. I am happy to say I have my website mostly finished and updated (for now) with a lot of new products. Check it out at: http://1web-boulevard.com #cbdoil #cbdoils
I am starting a blog dedicated to those products alone and will post the link when I have it. I believe the name will be ” cbdnatureshealing” …..
I hope everyone is happy and well in the start of this New Year….
Hi friends… The new year is marching on and I am still debating what I want to “get into” this year. I have recently revealed that I discovered several months ago that I am an Empath. Empath’s long to be of help or service to others and I am no exception. The fact that I am agoraphobic is a big hindrance in this area. I struggle to find an outlet for all the love and support I want so very much to give to someone, some cause or just the world in general to help make it a better place in which to live. I have basically made peace with the limitations that my challenge with agoraphobia brings, but in this area it is particularly frustrating. One might think that this is a relatively minor problem that “should” have an easy enough solution, but not so, on both counts!
I literally long to be able to find a way to externalize all I feel and have to give, but thus far have been unsuccessful. If I could go out I know I would be volunteering at a nursing home, or helping the homeless (personally), but alas those things are not possible for me. I almost feel as if I am choking. SO much love to give and no place to put it! I have searched online for things to be able to do, but the best I can come up with is donate money or do things like stuffing envelopes….I am not rich nor would I find stuffing envelopes satisfying. I long to do something “hands on,” but cannot find a thing that “fits.” I feel as if I am on the inside looking out all the time, which of course is true! I am an inside person it seems with a heart and soul that wishes to be actively seen and at work externally!
Being an Empath presents its own set of challenges. It is so important to learn how to take care of yourself and shield yourself from sucking in all the negative energy people, the news etc. bring, but on the other hand it is almost as if you live to help and be out in the front lines. The key is to find balance and learn to block out all that negativity from your “oh so sensitive” soul and reach out and get involved at the same time! I have not learned how to do that yet. Hopefully this year will bring me insight into how to accomplish what my heart desires: to make a difference in this world.
Well, here we are just about at mid-January 2018 and I still don’t know what direction I want to take in this new year. So far the weather has been unseasonably cold for Florida. We even had SNOW in our northern sections! I really do need to find a way to make more money, but every time I start to focus in on what that might look like, life decides to throw some new “issues” that need to be dealt with. I just finished my holiday sales season which was supposed to give me the extra money I need to carry me through the big insurances etc. for the year and already $1000.00 had to be spent on car repairs, plumbing etc… Have you noticed how quickly money can take a hike?
I also have a heart -wrenching problem that has become more pronounced. My dear friend, Julie, has advanced problems going on in her brain. She has two brain aneurysms and ALSO a condition known as moyamoya. Every time I say that world I think if a Hawaiian drink of some sort, but believe me this is no where as luxurious! It is a condition that cuts off blood supply to the brain and she was recently told that she now only has 25% blood flow coming from the main artery. At present I am her POA and I sense there will be a lot of health issues I will have to deal with on her behalf. She is an amazingly unique person and is taking this very much in stride and I only hope I will be able to do what is needed as her condition deteriorates further. This is one area where it is definitely a hindrance to be agoraphobic!
This year I also want to address my current health issues. I sure wish I knew where all this pain I am experiencing is coming from. I have foot, knee and back/hip pain. Being and empath might give me more “hunches” about what is going on , but I can never be sure. I will have to get more x-rays etc. I suppose. My gut tells me these pains are mostly related to the stress/tension I hold in my body. I recently found out about two conditions that *might* be at the bottom of my pain. One is Tension Myositis Syndrome and the other is called Myofascial Pain Disorder. Both are related to stress and the trigger points it can create. The Tension Myositis Syndrome suggests that the pain might be a cover up for suppressed emotions. I will have to keep exploring. My nurse practitioner should be here for a visit soon and I will pick her brain about what she knows about these syndromes. So often GPs and nurse practitioners have little knowledge about disorders connected to emotional or psychological issues. There is a gadget that I have been practicing with that is called “The Dolphin” which is a neurostim unit…..something like an electric acupuncture machine that is supposed to help with all kinds of disorders by zapping a mild current into trigger points. There are different protocols for different maladies. It even has a protocol called “valium” for those of us who suffer from anxiety. I’ll let ya know if it seems to be of any help. So, 2018 is already filled with all kinds of challenges. Stay tuned!
This is me at the start of 2018… we’ll see how haggard I become by the end of the year! Ha!
Hello my friends! Well, here we are at 2018!! So much has happened in 2017 in my challenge-filled life. I turned another year older for one thing! Funny how, at my age, each new year is a landmark! You really don’t truly take in how precious each day, minute and breath is until you find yourself in the upper decades. I am sure I continue to grow, but the movement is not always apparent. Sometimes it takes a crisis or trauma to see exactly how far you have come. Just being agoraphobic brings its share of challenges, but life, and even mother nature, manages to throw in a couple of extra curve balls. This year my home state of Florida was challenged with a LOT of rough weather. Hurricane Irma was the force that affected me the most. Such a huge, record breaking weather phenomenon. Through that dire emergency situation I realized that somehow I had managed to stay relatively calm, quite a feat for someone with my emotional makeup. I have been homebound for over 20 years and knew I might be forced to evacuate, but tried my best to accept life on life’s terms. This was all complicated by the fact that I have been experiencing new and difficult physical symptoms.
Some time earlier in 2017 I developed severe foot pain. I had two doctors diagnose me with plantar fasciitis. I finally succumbed to physical therapy since my busy holiday retail sales season would soon be upon me. Turns out that I did not have plantar fasciitis at all, but supposedly a back problem that was creating foot pain. The physical therapist was a nice enough guy, and seemed to help me lessen my foot pain relatively quickly, but somehow I developed knee and back pain as a result of the exercises I was prescribed. The hurricane demanded so much more of my body. First there was all the preparations and then all the clean up. Fortunately I suffered minor damage to my property. There was no time for resting my knee or back or even doing the required icing of my knee since I lost power and ice or even chilled food became a luxury. When it came time to renew my therapy the PT said he would not renew it since I had not made progress!!!! Now how was I supposed to do that when my body was continually stressed and strained due to all the complications connected to dealing with a hurricane? I am still dealing with a lot of physical pain and hopefully 2018 will bring some resolution. At any rate, my busy sales season has come and gone and somehow I managed to navigate it despite my physical limitations. So, if nothing else, I suppose I have developed better coping skills in dealing with what the universe throws my way.
Well, it’s been a long time since I have posted here and life has taken so many twists and turns, as life will! It is already mid-2017! They say that time marches on and waits for no man (or woman) but is has, in my case, no only not waited but meteorically flown by! The older I get the more I surely realize that we must make every moment count!
By now everyone knows I had one book published in 2013 (Behind These Eyes) and a second in 2014 (Coexisting with Agoraphobia, Anxiety and Panic Attacks). I am currently working on a totally different kind of book. Tentatively the title is, “The Ragamuffin Project.” Ragamuffin is the name I have given to an old tattered and beat up conversion van that I purchased for a pittance a little over a year ago. I have nicknamed her, Rags. I felt absolutely compelled to buy a van and am not exactly sure why. The obvious might be to try to get out once again, but my instincts tell me there is more to this story of Rags and I. I have had a few short practice excursions with little success, but our story is long from over. I spent most of last year (along with Julie, my BFF) rehabbing her. I guess I was rehabbing myself as well as the project brought me great joy. I have a feeling that Rags and I will undergo many transformations as time moves forward. This new book will reflect our journey together.
In March of this year I also discovered, with the help of my beloved counselor, that I am an Empath. That knowledge has opened up a whole new world for me. I am learning more and more about what it means to be empathic and how it has affected my life. I feel like I am taking a course entitled, “Empath 101.” There is so much more to it than just having the ability to feel what other people are feeling. So it seems I have two unfolding stories. I welcome you back to take this new ride with me!